After Sony halted the release of its new movie “The Interview” in response to a North Korean cyber attack, President Obama called upon every major film studio in America to only produce Adam Sandler movies in the future if they’re about assassinating North Korean leader Kim Jong-un.

“Just think,” said President Obama, “If movies like Grown Ups, Grown Ups 2, Blended, Jack and Jill, That’s My Boy, Just Go With It, Mr. Deeds, Click, Bucky Larson: Born To Be A Star… If any of them were about a plot to kill Kim Jong-un they never would have made it to the big screen.  We have to do better for our constituents, and that means pressuring Hollywood to churn out Adam Sandler movies that flagrantly provoke the North Korean regime.”

“I do like that Little Nicky though,” he added.  “I know I’m in the minority but something about it gets me good.”

While most high ranking officials inside the U.S. government have been searching for an effective countermeasure to the terror inflicted by Sandler movies for years, not everyone inside the White House is in agreement with the president’s new mandate.

“I get no credit for legislative accomplishments, I get blamed for campaign gaffes, and I’ve sat quietly by as the president has tacitly backed Hillary’s run in 2016,” simmered Vice President Joe Biden, “but if this jeopardizes the release of Grown Ups 3 in anyway whatsoever I think I might just lose it.”

A representative close to Sandler says that “While initially surprised, Adam was ultimately excited by the President’s order, and has already begun work on a script in which Kim Jong-un is deathly allergic to wet farts and screaming.”