A New York grand jury voted not to indict heartthrob actor Ryan Gosling on charges of hotness today, despite having reviewed hours of movie footage and countless print ads that portray the actor as so hot you can barely look at him anymore.

The shocking non-indictment provoked waves of rage and confusion around the country, hitting particularly hard in areas populated by anybody who’s ever seen Ryan Gosling.  It also has many wondering what exactly grand juries are looking at as they make these history-altering decisions?

Soon after the news was made public, President Obama took to the the White House lawn with a message of strength and empathy in hopes of pacifying a reeling nation.

“I can’t help thinking that Ryan Gosling could have been me 20 years ago, if instead of getting into politics I chose to be so hot you could fry an egg on a poster of me,”  the President said.

Grand juries are currently debating several other high profile cases around the country, and sources anticipate decisions next week that will retroactively dismiss the Nuremburg trials, and absolve the human race of any wrongdoing in the global warming crisis.